back in the saddle

I have wanted to blog but couldn't come up with anything except expressions of my shallow consumerism. But this happened today.

Setting: North Carolina Baptist Hospital/Wake Forest Medical Center, Winston-Salem, NC

I got on the elevator to ride to the 5th floor to see a church member in intensive care after having 3 heart valves replaced. I hear one is a big deal.

A man hesitates to get on the elevator at the main level, then, follows though. He is somewhat put-together, but I can tell he is frazzled too.

Man: 'What floor are you going to/'
Me: '5. You?'
Man: '6.'
a pause
Man: 'Will you ride up with me? Elevators make me nervous and I don't like to ride alone.'
Me: 'Sure, that will be no problem.'

Man then goes on to tell me that his wife should be dead but might make a recovery after almost bleeding out. They have almost got enough blood back in her.
I asked if there had been an accident, fully expecting to be able to go back and read about a terrible car accident in the local paper archives. He says she has crones and had a difficult surgery.
We have already arrived at the 6th floor, the elevator has gone into automatic close, like it or not, mode. I ask her name and promise to pray for her.
I am not sure of his name, her's is Susan, can't remember the last name. She is in a hospital bed, in Winston-Salem, with a scared husband by her side.

The weird thing is: to what am I due this honor of sharing in mans life? I don't deserve it. I didn't do any more than simply being polite with my basic elevator etiquette. Any one of you would have done the same.


I am privileged to wear a clergy badge when I am at the hospital. This gives me access to patients at most anytime both inside and outside of visiting hours. If it not simply something about me that people find easy to talk to, then it must have been the clergy badge. Maybe he has had good experiences with clergy in the hospital and found a trusted friend to ride the elevator with.

I am not sure, but I do wish the real world could be a little more like the elevator today. If I could wear a literal badge that let people know, 'I will listen, I am called to, and I like to.' Could that make faith in action a bit easier? Mostly though, those wearing the badges our world are the exact people who one would not want to talk to. I guess for now I will take my chances outside the hospital, but, I cherish the opportunity to put that badge on as I arrive at the parking garage, where I am officially allowed to be an 'an instrument of peace.' -St. Francis of Assisi

What floor you going to?

peace
a.

follow up to update and Kyle Lake

This is my followup to the update I gave last Thursday.

I also would like to offer an apology to those who thought offering a happy birthday to blog with the notice of a tragic death was inappropriate. Certainly there was alot to deal with last week, maybe I could have been a bit more sensitive. I am sorry, and sad still.

Reflections
Saddness is what strikes me most as I think about the pilgrimage to Waco for the funeral and all that those closest to Kyle will deal with in the days, months, and years to come. I find myself thinking that this is something I would really like to talk to Kyle about, but then, I catch myself.

Kyle and I were close several years ago. We usually talked once or twice a year more recently. But, he invested alot of time in me as I was working on my relationship with my wife (girlfriend/fiancee at the time), and thinking seriously about faith and seminary. Like many of you, the conversations we had over pool, shuffleboard, or coffee, were echoed in the books he wrote. I dont claim any sort of acknowledgement due, rather, it is great to see the little flowers he passed along to me/us several years ago fully blossom in Understanding God's Will and reUnderstanding Prayer. I can hear Kyle saying these things as I read them, and it seems like I have heard them before.

Besides the authorship Kyle leaves us with, there are two things that I keep coming back to that he taught me.

1. He taught the value of relationships. He spent one of his lunches each week with me for almost two years. That is alot of time, and time that you probably spent with him as well. This was not a lesson learned though him talking about it, rather it was the lesson I learned though his living.

2. He taught me to value thought and learning when it comes to our faith. There were many who encouraged me when I was deciding about seminary, but Kyle's voice was this: "I know this guy who went to Duke Divinity. He really knows his stuff. When you come out, you will probably be way smarter than all of us." Well, I would like to think I know my stuff, but I am not yet 'way smarter' than anyone.

This value of thought in faith is something that is so often overlooked by us as Christians. It is easy to peak, claim we have something already under our belt, or rely on inspiration. We must continue to 'work out our salvation.' Kyle taught by living this.

In the days ahead, I hope to reEvaulate my time and grow my faith. In the evening, when I am searching the directv guide for something to watch, Kyle's voice will push me to pick up a book, rolling stone, or paper. Also, it will prod me to pick up my church directory and make lunch or coffee plans with someone for the days ahead.

Kyle left a broad legacy that was easily seen in the group of folks who made pilgrimages to Waco last week like we did. I hope we will all live well and bless others because of the blessing Kyle was and is to us.


Other thoughts...
I am really sad for all that David Crowder and the band have had to go through in the past week and half. I have heard and read from many how they have rocked each and every night, but it is impossible for me to separate Dave from UBC and UBC from kyle. This is simple logic. But yesterday I spent a couple hours in the car and decided it was time to work through A Collision. I say work though, becuase I have not been able to listen to dcb since I heard about the accident. It has been too hard and pressed too close to home.

As I worked through A Collision yesterday, the first time through I was really sad for Kyle, and especially his family. I am relying on faith that "here is God whose come to bring us back to Him" and that he has come for Kyle. I hope that Kyle has seen 'the light' and that he has now 'already won.' What I am not quite ready for is dealing with all of these resurrection songs as something I claim for Kyle and that I claim for my promise again. I do beleive it, but it is hard to bring it close to heart.

The second time through, I was brought to the sorrow of his closest friends. What this has to with Dave is he has lost his best friend. I know that it hurts me but doesnt affect me daily the way it does those in Waco or those at UBC or his closest friends. In the days ahead, I will be thinking about praying for dave, toni, the band and for ben and jamie who this affects closely as friends and co-workers of Kyle's. There is a long road ahead for all of them. I know our faith speaks to resurrection and rescue, I pray that the time will come when they and we all will recieve this rescue and can again bold claim resurrection for all of God's people.

peace
aho

update

Natalie and I got a phone call in the 3pm hour on Sunday that our friend, Kyle Lake, had been killed in an accident at ubc that morning. Never had i been confronted with such news, and though I have only spoke to Kyle a couple times a year since graduation and moving from waco in 1999, the only impulse that felt right to follow was to head to texas. We didnt know what we could do, but wished we could do something, so drive we did.

We have been in Texas this week and participated in the funeral service yesterday. Everything has gone well and I look forward to putting together my thoughts and memories about Kyle. Another thing I am going to work on in an article about my time at Baylor, which was quite an amazing 4 years.

We travel back to maberry on Saturday and will be back at work on Monday. I look forward to more blogging.

On a funnier note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BLOG. In all of the chaos of the last few days, I missed my anticiapted anniversary blog. The blog has been working for over two years now. I am looking forward to the terrible 2s, you should too. If you are out there...
peace, aho